Develop Healthy Self Love
through Positive Action

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Self love is something that needs to be demonstrated, not just talked about. Doing something really good for yourself every day, as a priority, does more than make you feel good. It sends important messages to your subconscious, and also to the world around you. By placing importance on taking positive actions which bring you fulfillment, you are telling yourself and others that your needs and desires and wellbeing are important- that what you want matters.

This good thing could be something that contributes to your mental and physical well-being, such as exercise and meditation, or something that brings you even a tiny bit closer to living the life of your dreams (like writing a page for your website). Prioritizing the things that are important to your well-being nourishes your soul and strengthens a healthy self love and self image.

One negative trap that may prevent you putting time and energy into what really matters is trying to take care of all the most mundane chores (which by the way are endless!) before taking time to do what makes you feel good. Often time just runs out before the endless list is completed, or by the time tasks XYZ are completed, tasks ABC are waiting to be done again. You may also feel so tired and depleted by the time that you decide to take a break from the drudgery that all you want to do is collapse mindlessly in front of the TV. Your subconscious gets the message that your deepest needs are less important than sorting the grocery bills from three years ago, and this is far from helpful to your self esteem and self love. The antidote for this is to follow a piece of timeless advice and to do what is truly important first thing in the morning, or as early as you can.

Another thing that can keep you from doing what is really important to you is spending most of your time worrying about what other people want. Worrying too much about other people’s desires often leaves you in the position where no-one is worrying about yours. This can create a feeling of neediness, as you are putting so much energy into making others happy, you may feel that they should be making you happy in return. By neglecting to develop self love and inner happiness, it puts you in the vulnerable position of needing all your love and happiness to come from others.

There are a couple of problems with this scenario. Firstly, not only it is not your job to make others happy, it is actually impossible. If they are not making themselves happy (by figuring out what they really want, nurturing their own self image, and taking positive actions to experience more and more of what they truly want), then you could give them the world on a silver platter and they would still be miserable.

Trying to do too much for others can also make them feel stifled and uncomfortable. Much as someone may say they love you doing everything for them, deep down, there is usually a sense of imbalance, and an inner knowledge that you are trying to do what they should be doing for themselves. This can make the other person feel that you are trying to control or manipulate them in some way, even if they openly welcome your excessive attention. They may also sense the strings attached to your actions, your expectation that they should be doing as much for you as you are doing for them, and this can feel like an enormous pressure.

The other problem is that by focusing your energy outward, and then expecting that someone else should be filling the void created by your neglect in developing strong self love, you put yourself in a position of powerlessness. In case you haven’t noticed, controlling other people’s behavior is something that just doesn’t work. Waiting for someone else to give you what you need to feel validated, happy, loved, and fulfilled is a sure recipe for frustration. Sometimes they will behave the way you hope, and sometimes they won’t.

Even when they do behave as you hope, if you are relying on your sense of well-being to come from someone else, there will always be the underlying fear that the happy feelings you have obtained from their actions may be taken away in the next moment by a different set of actions. Not a good way to create inner security and self image. Consider also, that no matter how much someone else is ‘giving’ you, if you are not giving yourself what you need to thrive, then what comes to you from others will never be enough. Without self love, we are incapable of receiving love from others in a healthy and balanced way.

To experience real self love, we need to create our own sense of well-being, and learn to honor and value ourselves in our thoughts, our words, and importantly, our actions.

To gain positive results in our lives, our actions have to match our desires. Action is the fuel that drives us in the direction we want to go. Without fuel, we drift, and if we are using the wrong kind of fuel (actions that are taking us away from where we want to go) we end up either powering off in the wrong direction or creating a malfunction in our engines. This type of malfunction can show up as illness, depression, or a whole range of unpleasant emotions. If we are continuously taking actions that go against what we truly want, we can expect results that we are less than thrilled with.

Decide today to make your happiness and development of practical self love a priority. Commit to doing at least one really positive thing that will add to your sense of well-being each and every day. Stop procrastinating on doing things that really matter, and get up, get moving and do something truly good for yourself. Watch your inner sense of well-being strengthen and blossom, and a strong healthy self love take root. See the world around you take notice, too. Tell yourself consistently through your words and your actions, ‘I am valuable,’ and you and others will start to believe it.

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