A healthy, loving relationship can enhance every aspect of our lives. The ideal situation for most of is having a partner with whom we can laugh and play. Who will support and encourage us through good times and bad.

The flip side of this scenario is choosing a partner who is negative, critical, or manipulative. Doing this can truly make life miserable. An unhealthy relationship can be damaging to your self-esteem, your well-being, and even your career and other relationships.

So how do you go about making sure that you choose the right love partner- one who will enhance your life and your happiness?

Be smart about what qualities you look for. Do you really think that having a partner who is very beautiful or handsome will guarantee a happy relationship? Sure, it can be nice to gaze across the dinner table at someone attractive. Admiring and envious glances from friends and strangers can give you a momentary ego boost, but don’t do anything for your true sense of self-esteem or add anything to your happiness.

If you want to be happy, then you will seek the right love relationship based more on the inner qualities of a potential partner than superficial concerns. Forming a relationship with someone based only on external factors such as looks or money is not a foundation for happiness and long-lasting romance. There is nothing wrong with having a partner who happens to be rich and/or gorgeous, so long as they also have the character traits that are most important to you.

Society and the media tell us that having lots of money, a certain brand of fragrance, the ‘right’ clothing, and a prestigious job will make us happy. We are also led to believe that only a tall, dark handsome hero or voluptuous blonde bombshell can possibly be the right love of our lives.

The things that society says will make us happy very rarely do.

Take time to figure out what is truly important to you. Forget everything you have ever heard or thought about what your perfect partner ‘should’ be like.

I’m guessing that if you can get past the superficial concerns of your ego telling you that looking good, being rich, successful and admired are the most important things in life, you will discover that there really are things that matter more to you.

I’m pretty sure that most of us, when it really comes down to it, care more about kindness, sensitivity, intelligence, and a sense of humor than we do about killer abs and a sports car.

The most important thing is to really be clear about what your priorities are. Clear away all the social conditioning and look deep into your heart.

It is a good idea to think about what sort of partner you would choose if you were going to be stranded on an island with them. This tends to clear away the superficial concerns, and helps to eliminate the tendency to make choices based on what other people think, or what you think you ‘should’ want.

In love and in life, if we stop choosing what we think ‘should’ make us happy, and listen to the whispers of our hearts, we can trust that our choices will bring us joy, and that finding the right love becomes a whole lot easier.

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