One of the essential foundations of creating solid relationship trust is to start with a firm basis of trust in yourself. The first area in which it is important to trust yourself is having faith in your own good judgment. If you keep telling yourself that you have terrible taste in men or women, guess what? You are very likely going to wind up attracted to people with whom you have little chance of establishing a strong and trusting relationship. We very rarely set out to prove ourselves wrong, so if you think you are ‘unlucky in love,’ that is just what you will tend to keep experiencing.

If you lack trust in your own ability to recognize and choose a kind and loving partner, even if you do find yourself dating a wonderful and trustworthy person, you will likely find yourself looking for flaws and faults. If you don’t believe in your own ability to choose a good partner, then you risk sabotaging relationship trust in even the most promising relationship by constantly waiting for ‘the other shoe to drop.’ If you have been telling yourself for years that you have poor judgment in matters of the heart, it is time to start changing your negative self-talk.

One of the best ways of replacing the negative thoughts we often allow ourselves to have is with some positive affirmations. Affirmations are simple and positive statements that you repeat to yourself in order to gradually change negative thoughts to positive ones. When you start telling yourself “I am a good judge of character,” and “I know the type of person I want in my life, and can recognize them easily,” it is almost certainly going to feel very strange. You have totally convinced yourself that the opposite is true, and these ingrained beliefs can take a bit of work to change. However, if you accept that changing your thoughts and beliefs is going to take time, and you are willing to keep at it, there is no question that they can and will change. And changing your thinking is the first and biggest step to changing your reality.

Another very important area where trust needs to be developed is in your belief that you are worthy of having, and are capable of creating, a good relationship. If you believe that you don’t deserve to be happy and to be treated well, or that you are somehow incapable of experiencing a loving and fulfilling relationship, then once again, you are not so likely to create this positive type of relationship. If you really want to have a healthy relationship based on mutual trust and respect, you had better start convincing yourself that you deserve it, and that it is indeed possible. Try affirming that “I deserve to be happy. I allow myself to give and receive love freely,” “I treat myself well, and allow others to do the same,” and “In its own perfect time, and its own perfect way, a wonderful relationship is coming into my life.”

Within an established relationship, trust can be cultivated between partners in a number of ways.

• Be clear and honest about what you need from the relationship, but be willing to listen to your partner’s point of view and keep a flexible attitude.

• Communicate! Lack of communication can seriously threaten relationship trust. If you are guessing what your partner is thinking, or either of you are unaware of the other’s feelings, misunderstandings and defensiveness can easily creep in.

• Treat your partner as you would like to be treated, and treat yourself as you would like to be treated. Expect your partner to treat you with respect, and show the same respect to them.

• Keep your promises, and expect that your partner keeps their promises. Make it clear that broken promises are not acceptable, but avoid making or encouraging unrealistic promises.

While there is no magic spell that I know of for creating perfectly harmonious, trusting relationships, there are some vital ingredients that can definitely help in forming healthy bonds. If you treat yourself and others with respect, trust freely, but with a clear head rather than trusting blindly, and expect to enjoy a happy and healthy relationship, this is about as close as you can get to a recipe for developing true relationship trust and happiness!

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