Relationship Advice and How to Use It

Relationship advice is something that most of us seek from time to time. Whether we are in long-term relationships, looking for love, or wondering why we can’t seem to make romances work, we look for answers that will make our love lives better.

Relationship advice can be found everywhere. With so much information available on the Internet, in magazines, newspapers, on radio and TV we can end up suffering from information overload. And that is before you take into account all the personal relationship advice that is offered to us, whether we ask or not, by parents, friends, colleagues, or even strangers.

Learning to be selective about the relationship advice that you receive is very important. People can offer you all the advice they want, but it is up to you whether or not you take it to heart.

One of the best pieces of relationship advice is to listen to the guidance you get, but to make sure that it rings true to you before you rush off to start following the suggestions of others, no matter how much of an ‘authority’ they are. Developing your trust in your own wisdom, and learning to listen your inner knowing will help you make smart choices and use advice to your advantage; in love and in life.

As well as learning to pick out the advice that seems like it may work for you, and disregarding the rest, there are a couple of keys to getting results from any advice.

The first is to commit to giving it a real try. Doing something once is not going to achieve results. You don’t get fit from one session at the gym, and likewise, you will need to consistently and repeatedly follow a new pattern of behavior that you are trying out in your love life before you can expect to see a change. While this can seem discouraging, there is often a spark of progress, even after the first ‘workout,’ that can provide motivation to keep going.

Another key is to keep checking in with yourself on how the advice is working, and whether it still feels like a right course of action. After trying a new way of doing something for a while, you may find that what seemed like a good piece of advice initially no longer feels like it will work for you. It is important to learn to distinguish whether a course of action simply needs more time and effort to work, or whether trying it out has shown you that it just isn’t going to work for you.

Sometimes a feeling of discomfort is simply telling you that you are stretching your emotional muscles out of their previously inactive state. Like with physical exercise, a certain amount of discomfort can let you know that your efforts are working. On the other hand, though, feeling pain is a signal to stop. Be willing to persist despite the unease that comes with any change, but be willing to let go of a way that really isn’t working for you.

Here are some fundamental pieces of relationship advice, some of which will be covered in more depth in following articles.

• Don’t make assumptions. No matter how well you (think) you know each other, don’t try to read your partner’s mind. The raised eyebrow you may think means he disagrees with what you just said may simply mean ‘I don’t know.’ The only way to know what your partner is thinking is to ask, but in a gentle way, rather than in a defensive or accusing tone.

• Don’t take each other for granted.

• Communicate openly and honestly, but early in a relationship don’t over-share. Think about what is really necessary to communicate at any stage of a relationship, and whether what you are going to say is helpful and kind. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and really listen to your partner.

• Don’t bottle things up.

• Don’t smother or try to control your partner.

• Don’t try to change someone else. The only person that you can truly change is yourself.

• Look before you leap. The old saying goes, “marry in haste, and repent at leisure.” This doesn’t mean you need to take forever to make up your mind. Sometimes a relationship is so clearly right from very early on, but the key is to really look and not be blinded by the good feelings that romance can bring.

• Nurture your relationship with yourself.

• Nurture your relationship with each other.

• Make time to talk with your partner, have a little fun, and have intimacy no matter how busy you are.

• Focus on the good in your partner and the relationship instead of what’s wrong.

• Be clear about, and willing to state, what you need from the relationship and in your life.

• Make sure that you are getting what you need.

• Have common goals.

• You don’t have to do everything together or be everything to each other. It is healthy to have outside interests and to get some of your emotional needs met by friends or family members. Just make sure to keep the balance so as not to tip into the relationship danger zone of living separate lives.

• Work together to make your relationship and life together happy. If you don’t have a feeling of teamwork and being on the same side, you can begin to feel that you and your partner are being pulled apart. It is vital to deal with the factors that are causing this feeling of separation and find a way to get back on the same side.

• Be flexible in regard to your partner’s different ways of dealing with things.

• Appreciate the differences between you. Contrasting personalities can make a great team. A more vivacious partner can liven up a quieter mate, and in return the mate can bring a level of calm to the relationship.

• Accept that there are many ‘right’ ways of doing most things, and that you and your partner don’t have to do everything the same. If you are parents together, your children can benefit enormously from learning different ways of doing things, and dealing with the many variables that they will encounter in life. Different is not good or bad, only different.

To make the most of relationship advice, and all aspects of your life, follow your heart and learn to trust your inner knowing. As Winnie the Pooh says, “you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think,” so believe in yourself and your right to be happy.

Back to Choosing Life My Way Home Page from Relationship Advice