This form of therapy is not new. It has been practiced since the 1960s, when it was pioneered by Dr William Glasser; a psychiatrist in the United States.

The focus of reality therapy is placed on changing the reality of one’s life through choice and action in the present time. This is a contrast to many other forms of therapy which focus strongly on the past, and on improving our current reality by healing issues that stem from previous experiences.

Reality therapy suggests that many of our emotional and psychological issues result from the current reality that our basic needs are not being met in a satisfactory way. Almost all branches of psychology state that human beings have certain needs that must be met in order to live a happy, healthy life.

Reality therapy lists these needs in five basic categories:

• Power – (includes achievement and feeling worthwhile as well as winning).

• Love & Belonging – (includes a sense of belonging to groups, as well as with families or loved ones).

• Freedom – (includes independence, autonomy, and one’s own 'space').

• Fun – (includes pleasure and enjoyment).

• Survival – (includes nourishment and shelter).

Obviously survival is the first and foremost priority of these areas. If our simplest physical necessities are under threat, we will obviously not be too concerned about pleasure or power until our most vital needs are met. In our societies though, most of us are able to meet our need for food and shelter, and what is more likely to send us in search of therapy is an inability to meet our other needs effectively.

One of the first things that reality therapy does is to help the person figure out what they want, what they are doing (if anything) to get what they want, and whether what they are doing is working.

A person may know what they want but realize that the ways they are going about getting it just aren’t working. For example, if you want a committed loving relationship, but are trawling the bars and clubs each weekend, chances are you just aren’t going to meet the right person.

Often though, the root of our problems is that we just don’t know what we want. We know we are not happy, we often know what we don’t want, but too many of us are unable to come right out and clearly state what we do want.

If we are not aware of what we want, then we are obviously not going to be making any well-planned efforts to get it. Once we get clear about what it is that we really do want, we can then start making a realistic or ‘workable’ plan to achieve it.

Reality therapy involves creating a workable plan, in other words a plan that focuses on actions that are within our control. Rather than trying to change the behavior of others around us, the thing that we can successfully work at changing is our own behavior. Often though, this is easier said than done and effective change can best be made with the help of a professional, or perhaps a mentor.

By changing things that are within your control, rather than obsessing about the things that you can’t control, you can alter the circumstances of your life, and as a result, feel a whole lot better.

For example, you cannot make your partner treat you with respect, but you can start standing up for yourself, and refuse to give into unreasonable demands. Rather than trying to control others, which is a recipe for frustration, we can be empowered by creating the control within ourselves.

The theory behind Glasser’s reality therapy was originally called “Control Theory,” and was based on the fact that we can, and need to, control only ourselves. As much as trying to control others will lead to frustration, allowing ourselves to be controlled by others leads to passivity and once again, frustration! This theory is now known as “Choice Theory,” which states that we may experience circumstances that we did not choose, but that we can choose what to do about them.

Reality therapy is a very practical form of therapy because it focuses on action. Rather than trying to change our emotions (which most of us know can be very difficult), by changing our actions we can not only improve our lives, but as a result end up changing the way we feel as well.

If there are serious issues that you feel are affecting your life, or if you are experiencing depression or anxiety that go beyond the everyday blues or jitters that we all experience, please give some serious thought to finding a therapist.

If you just feel that there are some aspects of your life that could use a boost, then perhaps life coaching could be an alternative for you.

There are many ways that we can find the help, support, and encouragement we need along the often bumpy path of life. Whether you find that help through online support groups, reading, supportive friends, or other means, just know that you are not alone.

Whatever you are experiencing in life right now, there are people out there that have been through something similar.

However tough times can get, we can get through them, and someday our darkest moments can help us bring light to others.

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