While it is reasonable to have certain expectations of yourself- I do not believe mooching through life is a particularly fulfilling choice- driving yourself to achieve perfection is not reasonable.

Take a quick reality check. Do you really think it is possible for you to be flawless in every way? Do you know anyone who has attained perfection in even one aspect of their lives? Trying to be perfect is guaranteeing your failure, because perfection among humans does not exist.

We are all imperfect, flawed, quirky- in other words human. If you accept that faultlessness is an impossible goal, and yet you keep pushing yourself to achieve it, what does that say about your logic?

Of course, trying to be perfect rarely has anything to do with logic. It is usually based on fear. A fear that if you don’t win, you lose in life, that if you are not the best, then you are just not good enough.

An underlying problem for many overachievers is low self-esteem. They cannot accept that they are good enough, just as they are- flaws, imperfections and all. So they drive themselves to become the best. Because their goals are unrealistic, they will never feel that they have achieved enough, and this makes their feelings of inadequacy even worse.

If you feel that you have a problem with perfectionism, take a good look at what your beliefs are. Do you feel that you need to prove yourself to those around you? Do you feel that if you just let yourself be, and let go of striving so hard that people will not love or accept you? Understanding the underlying causes of a need to drive yourself can help you realize why you are putting so much energy into trying to achieve the impossible.

Holding on to the idea of being perfect is destructive and soul-destroying. You are punishing yourself- both by pushing yourself too hard, and by blaming yourself for your unavoidable failure in reaching perfection.

The key to letting go of the need to be perfect is to accept that you are good enough just as you are. This may be a very hard concept to believe. For an overachiever, the idea of letting go and being just average is probably terrifying. But what is it costing you to keep pushing yourself to be the best?

There is a huge amount of stress caused by struggling for perfection. While you are constantly striving, it is impossible to experience peace and fulfillment. Happiness and joy are in short supply too when you are always grasping for something and never reaching it.

If you want to break free from the grip of perfectionism, the process is much the same as breaking free from any negative habit, circumstance, belief, or emotion. Understand that your behavior is unhealthy, and is making you unhappy. Try to become aware of the causes of the behavior. Decide that you want to break free from the trap of your need to be perfect, and make a commitment to replacing your negative beliefs and behavior with new healthy ones.

Take steps to break the old habits. These steps may include behavioral adjustments, such as walking away from situations that bring out your need to strive.

Avoiding competitive activities for a while may be helpful. You could also try doing things that you are really bad at. If you take part in a game or sport that you truly suck at, and get used to the feeling of not being good at something, you will come to realize that the world keeps spinning anyway.

Most people will not think less of you because you are not good at something, and if they do, then their thinking is as messed up as your old thinking! Generally people will even think more highly of you for having a go at something, whether or not you are great at it.

Spend time with people who are more concerned with being content than being perfect. Their relaxed attitudes can be a good influence for a recovering overachiever. Try to avoid overly driven and competitive people while you are breaking free of your habit of striving for perfection.

Affirmations are also a great help in reprogramming beliefs and habits. You have probably been telling yourself for most of your life that you must win and you need to be the best. Try replacing this unhealthy thinking with some new positive thoughts. Tell yourself that “I don’t need to be the best, I just need to be myself,” “It’s okay for me not to be good at everything,” and “I am good enough, I do enough, I have enough.”

EFT is wonderful at eliminating patterns of thinking and behavior too. I highly recommend this technique for ridding yourself of any habits or issues that are taking away from your well-being.

Let go of the need to be perfect, and embrace the joy, freedom, and wonder of living your life as a plain old, imperfect human being.

Related Articles

Stop Being a Control Freak

Overcome Approval Addiction and Find Validation Within

Releasing Expectations Frees Us to Enjoy Life

A Reality Check Keeps Life Real

Avoiding Burnout by Learning to Slow Down

What Is Inspiration? It Is Being in a State of Flow

Back to Letting Go

Back to Choosing Life My Way from Stop Being a Perfectionist

Add Your Comments