It Is Okay to Be Not Okay

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May 14, 2010

It is okay to be not okay. This is something that many of us have such a hard time accepting. We spend our lives trying to be strong, to cope with everything that we experience, and to be ‘okay,’ no matter what. This is not only exhausting, but impossible and unnecessary.

Accepting at times, that on certain levels we are not okay, allows us to ease the pressure that we so often place on ourselves. By feeling that it is okay to sometimes realize and admit that we are struggling, and that we are not coping as perfectly as we believe we should, we can relax the unreasonable demands we so often place on ourselves.

The paradox is that when I realize that I have been driving myself too hard, and trying too hard to cope perfectly with too many challenges, by admitting to myself and those close to me that I am not okay, the relief of easing the pressure allows me to actually feel more okay than I did while I was struggling to cope.

If we can accept the fact that we are not super-people able to leap mountains in a single bound, and that we are not able, or required, to maintain perfect composure in the face of every stressful situation, we can begin to breathe easier.

The key is to realize that on a deeper level, the level of our souls or higher selves, we are always, completely and totally okay. Keeping this in mind, it is easier to accept the fact that on a mental and physical level we can’t, and don’t have to be okay all the time. If you know that deep down you are okay, it can be a lot less frightening to accept the distress that you may be feeling when life gets difficult.

As well as trusting that deep down we are always okay, something we need to remember is that on a mental and physical level we will be okay again. Although a lot of trust and faith are required to get through times of challenge, we can also use our logic to remind ourselves that ‘this too shall pass.’ Life experience shows us that no matter how bad we feel at a particular time, eventually we come through the tough period and feel better again.

Our tough times can also be among our greatest teachers, and if we try to focus on what we can learn from the difficulties we are experiencing, we can always come out of stressful times a little more aware. If you have to go through tough times, and if you are human I’m guessing you do, why not get some benefit from those difficult experiences by learning whatever you can?

By trying to look at our distress as just a physical condition like the flu, we can eventually reach the place of being able to distance ourselves somewhat from even a severe depression. If we can get to the point of being able to step back and observe what is happening to us, we may find that, rather than being all-consuming, times of distress, though still unpleasant, can even become interesting.

It is also by accepting that we have hit a rough patch, that we are able to take the actions needed to get through that patch, and to feel better again. While we are forcing ourselves to keep going and keep coping, we leave ourselves no space to be able to heal from whatever difficulties have contributed to our reaching our limit.

We must first surrender to being less than okay, and give ourselves permission to take a much-needed timeout. While it is not always possible to take a complete break, at least we can decide to do the absolute minimum required for survival, and to really take one day at a time. Even with family and work obligations, it is almost always possible to do less that we have been doing prior to reaching a point of burn-out.

It is okay to do less, it is okay to ease the pressure we put ourselves under, it is okay to ask for help, and it is okay to be not okay. Under all the stress and strain we sometimes experience, we are truly always okay at a deep level. We just need to get in touch with that level, and our hearts and souls can gently guide us through the times when our physical beings feel less than okay.