‘I have no choice,’ you sigh. The shrug of the shoulders, the roll of the eyes. Do you ever find yourself saying these words? Well, it is not true. There always is a choice, but many of us don’t want to admit it.

If we do admit that there is a choice, then we have to take responsibility. Responsibility for not choosing what we know in our hearts would be right for us. Or responsibility for the outcome of choosing what we do really want.

It is far easier and less scary to stay stuck, and blame our employers, our spouses, the economy, God, or fate.

Where I am living in Taiwan, there is a strong trend of accepting without question what you are told to do. If someone in authority says you must work every Sunday, the usual response is to work every Sunday while privately complaining bitterly about the unfairness of it. Many people here are afraid that if they dare to question the absolute authority of their bosses, that they will lose their jobs. So, they keep quiet and gradually lose their freedom instead, rather than believing that there is a choice.

It does take courage to choose. Whenever you choose a different way, and follow your heart rather than social conditioning or the expectations of others, there may be consequences.

In some parts of the world, these consequences may be dire. In certain cultures, you may face a punishment as severe as being stoned to death for choosing to go against what your family or society demand.

For those of us fortunate enough to live in more progressive societies, providing that our choices are legal, we have no need to fear such drastic penalties for choosing our own way. But this doesn’t mean that our choices can’t bring unpleasant results.

It is possible that you may lose a job by refusing unreasonable demands. You might lose a relationship by choosing not to sacrifice your own needs to satisfy your partner.

While these results may be difficult or painful, if the alternative was remaining in a situation that was making you miserable, consider this pain to be a blessing. It’s the ‘rip-it-off-quick’ pain of removing a sticking plaster, as opposed to the long, drawn out pain of peeling it off slowly.

Perhaps the worst suffering comes from not removing the plaster at all, and allowing the skin beneath to become infected. If something is wrong for you, and you will know it in your heart, I urge you to rip it off.

There will always be another job, or another relationship, however hard that may be to believe when you are desperately clinging onto something you should have let go of long ago. Yes it is scary to leap into the unknown. Some of us wait until we are pushed, rather than take that leap, but it is better to do it in your own time, on your own terms if possible.

On the other side of the coin, there is the chance that by making a choice to change a situation that is not making you happy, the situation itself will change to fit your needs better.

Maybe your boss will realize that they are being too demanding, and that you are an employee worth keeping. They may even gain respect for you as a result of you speaking your mind. Your partner may decide to start being more reasonable, rather than risk losing you.

That is the scary thing with choice. We don’t know what results our choices may have. We do know though, what results choosing to stay trapped will have- frustration and misery. Not a very satisfactory result at all.

If we can ‘feel the fear’ and choose anyway, it is definitely going to give us a positive result in the long run, though the short-term may be tough. We will either end up in the same situation, but with conditions that are of our choice (better working hours, a considerate partner), or we will cut loose from an unhappy situation. This then frees us to find and choose a new job, relationship, or living environment.

Look within yourself for what your heart is telling you, and then find the courage to believe that there is a choice. Always.

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