It is a huge transition that you are going through, and there are various aspects of your question and situation that I will do my best to address. Getting over a breakup is challenging at any time, and of course when there is a child involved even more so.

When you come out of a long and challenging relationship, there is often an initial feeling of relief, however this feeling is frequently closely followed by a feeling of loss or emptiness. You are still in the very early stages of the separation, and are most likely experiencing a wide range of emotions. I don’t know whether you have been able to give yourself much opportunity to begin making peace with the end of your marriage, the disillusionment that is usually a part of this, and the grieving process that is a necessary stage in the journey to a brighter future, but doing this will be very important for you. When something significant in our lives ends, even if it was not something that made us happy, grief is a normal and healthy reaction.

The feelings you describe of an identity crisis can definitely be a part of getting over a breakup of a long-term relationship. Especially as your life has been centered around the roles of mother and wife, and you have not had a career in recent times. The end of one of those two key roles can feel as though it is leaving a gaping hole as well as seeming to place even greater focus or sense of pressure on the other role.

One thing that can be very helpful in getting over a breakup and moving forward is broadening your focus, and dwelling more on the other aspects of your life. What are the things that you love doing? Do you write, sing, play music, paint or do crafts? Are you giving time to these pursuits? Our creative passions are so important to our happiness; they allow us expression, connection to our inner selves, and are also vital for healing and growth.

Who are your important connections with? Are there people in your life that you can really talk to on a variety of levels? If not, making an effort to connect with more people is another very important part of building self-esteem and a greater sense of wellbeing.

Taking care of your physical and emotional health is also essential. Aside from taking good care of your son, I would strongly suggest that you make looking after yourself your number one priority. Start with simple, practical steps, and ask yourself frequently throughout the day, “what would make me feel good right now?” and if you can’t get to feeling good, then shoot for feeling better. If you can include some physical exercise in your life on a regular basis, this is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

I think that right now, one of the things that is dragging you down and making you feel paralyzed is that you are looking too far ahead and becoming overwhelmed. You are trying to figure out the whole big picture of how you are going to get from where you are now, to a place in your life that you would rather be.

There are two sides to this. Firstly, it is really, really good to create a vision of how you want your life to be, for example; creatively fulfilled, financially secure and independent, with a great circle of friends, happy and healthy, having plenty of time and flexibility to be with your son and to do things for yourself as well.

The other side of this is not to get caught up in trying to work out what you have to do to make this all happen, or even how it is going to happen or who is going to bring it. Spending time really pondering the ideal life for you without getting bogged down in trying to do the impossible and work out all the logistics requires faith and focus.

If you can enjoy the vision without getting caught up in the hows and whys, then this vision can serve you in two ways. Firstly it can make you feel good now, and that is really the ultimate goal. If you keep on practicing feeling good now, what you end up with is a really wonderful habit, and a life of feeling good more and more of the time. Secondly, by Law of Attraction, if you are feeling good on a regular basis, then more and more things to match those feelings will come into your experience.

However, if picturing your ideal life makes you feel uncomfortable about the current lack of what you want, or the feeling of having to ‘make it happen,’ rather than the deliciousness of what it will be like when it does happen, then shift your focus to other things that are easier for you to feel good about. The goal is to spend more of your time thinking about or doing things that make you feel good, and less time worrying or thinking about the things that feel bad. Not necessarily easy, if your habit is like that of most of us, which is to dwell on the problems, but it is simple, and with a little effort and determination, you can start feeling better and at the same time moving into a brighter future as soon as today.

While getting over a breakup can feel like being in a long dark tunnel at times, trust that there is light at the other end, and you can come through this time stronger, wiser, and with greater compassion and understanding for yourself and others. Meanwhile look for the glimmers of brightness that you can find by deliberately looking for things to smile about, and remind yourself often that all will be well.

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