Feel Your Feelings

Feelings Need to Be Felt
Not Suppressed

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Feelings are an inevitable fact of life. We are always feeling something, whether we are aware of it or not. It is important to accept that our emotions are okay, and we need to allow ourselves to feel and express them, whether they are good or bad.

A very powerful way of being able to express and release negative emotions is through tears. Just as laughter allows us to express our joy, crying is a natural and healthy expression of pain and sorrow.

Although it can be hard for many people to accept, it is okay to cry. Crying can actually be very cleansing and healing. We often hear that laughter is the best medicine, and while this is undoubtedly true, tears can be equally therapeutic, if less enjoyable.

Expressing sorrow, pain, grief, anger, or frustration by crying is not always encouraged. We are told that ‘big boys don’t cry,’ that we should ‘put on a happy face,’ and that ‘if you cry, you cry alone.’ These first two statements are simply unhealthy. Tears are every bit as good and necessary for everyone, regardless of age or gender, and by masking our grief with a ‘happy face,’ we are neither fooling ourselves, nor healing our pain.
As for crying alone, this is in fact, a very good way to cry. Some joys are readily shared, but many darker emotions are deeply personal, and are ours, and ours alone to express and release. Crying can put you in touch with your deepest feelings, and allow you to experience them fully.

All emotions need, even demand, release. It is usually easier, and much more socially acceptable to release our sentiments of joy and happiness. We don’t often worry that an outpouring of delight will make us, or others, uneasy. Expressions of pain, however, are something that most of us would rather avoid, whether it is our own pain, or that of other people.

‘Negative’ emotions such as pain and anger are often feared, avoided, and repressed. These sensations are uncomfortable, unpleasant, and messy. The fact is though, that they are very powerful, and very much a part of the human experience. There is a Buddhist saying that each life is filled with 10 000 sorrows and 10 000 joys. By focusing on trying to avoid the sorrows, which is impossible anyway, we are likely to miss out on many of the joys.

If we try to deny and suppress our darker emotions, we will only succeed in numbing ourselves emotionally. If you anesthetize yourself against pain, how will you feel joy?

To dull our emotions can also become more and more difficult over time. If you use a substance such as drugs or alcohol to numb your feelings, you will gradually develop a tolerance for your anesthetic of choice. This in turn necessitates higher and higher doses, which can be a big factor in developing addictions and dependencies.

Another thing that can happen when we suppress, or bottle up our emotions, is that the internal pressure will eventually become too much to contain. This results in an explosion, or ‘melt-down.’ The longer the feelings have been suppressed, and the deeper the underlying causes and issues, the more devastating the outburst is likely to be.

Cases of a mild-mannered, ‘boy-next-door,’ who suddenly goes on a shooting spree are an extreme example of the danger of unexpressed pain and rage.

To avoid either creating emotional paralysis, or reaching boiling point, we need to become more aware of our emotional state. Emotions can be like children, clamoring to be heard. If they are ignored, they become louder and more troublesome. Our feelings must be acknowledged and given a means of expression and release.

Allowing yourself to cry is one very powerful way of releasing pain, and it can have a strong cleansing and healing effect on our psyches. Crying enables us to fully feel and experience our emotions. Sometimes it is not necessary to understand, analyze, label & categorize our feelings, it is only necessary to allow ourselves to feel them. Once they have been felt, they can be let go.

There is also a huge difference between allowing ourselves to fully experience our emotions, and feeling compelled to act on them. Action is always a matter of choice. A feeling of rage demands that we express it, but it can always be expressed in a non-violent manner.

Crying is not the only way of releasing our emotions. Other methods can include therapy, talking, writing, and physical exercise. Choose whatever works for you at that particular moment. If you listen to your heart, it will tell you what it needs to heal.

To make it easier to handle negative emotions, try creating some emotional ‘vents’ in your life. Rather than storing up unpleasant sensations, give yourself regular opportunities to feel and then release them.

If you can sense the internal pressure building, make it a priority to deal with whatever is troubling you. Once you have dived in and tackled your emotions head-on, and let go of them, you will be able to emerge again, feeling lighter, happier, and with space in your heart to embrace the feelings that you really want to enjoy.