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Effective Anger Management Techniques

In situations when we are feeling anger but have trouble pinpointing the cause of it, asking ourselves ‘why’ can be helpful. As with any negative emotions, there is always an underlying cause. To identify and acknowledge the roots of our emotions is a very important step in being able to release these emotions and move forward.

At times we tend to avoid looking too deeply at the causes of our emotions- especially when we are facing a strong and unsettling emotion such as anger. Whether we are afraid of what we may uncover, doubt our ability to deal with the issues that may arise, or just feel an overwhelming urge to bury our heads in the sand and wait for the anger to go away, confronting our feelings can be daunting.

Just as certain emotions are unpleasant and uncomfortable, delving into the roots of these emotions is usually anything but fun. So why do it then? There are two very important reasons that tackling our anger is essential for regaining equilibrium in our lives.

Firstly, as far as anger management techniques go, burying your head in the sand just doesn’t rate. By ignoring, denying, suppressing, or avoiding the fact that you are truly steamed up, you are not going to get the anger to disappear. In fact, the opposite is true. Anger left to its own devices has a nasty habit of gaining intensity, not to mention inviting some of its horrible pals like resentment and hostility along for the ride. Bottom line is, if you don’t take control of your anger by tackling it head-on, it will take control of you. And, the longer it has a grip on you, the harder it can be to shake.

The other motivation for putting some good anger management techniques into practice is that if you can summon the courage to face your demons, you may find that it is actually much easier to banish them than you feared. Or, at least to lessen the negative impact that anger can have over your life. The very act of understanding why you are angry and examining the deeper causes and underlying emotions is an amazingly powerful step towards releasing the anger.

Being angry is a very clear sign that something is wrong in our lives, and although events can certainly provoke a strong reaction, the real cause of the anger is not the situation, but the underlying feelings that are created.

One of the best descriptions I have read of anger is that it is caused by a seeming loss of control over things that are important to us. I believe that one of the key points to keep in mind is that this loss of control is all in our perception. Control is an illusion in life. The reality is that we have very little control over most things in our lives, and struggling to try and keep a tight grasp on things that we cannot possibly hold onto can only cause us suffering.

However, even if we are aware that the only thing we can truly control is our own reactions, completely accepting the reality that most things are beyond our control would probably take most of us several lifetimes!

On a day to day basis, most of us still hold onto an illusion of being in control when things are going as we wish. Whenever things happen that shake up the order we have created, we react. Given that we are unlikely to become perfectly enlightened beings in this lifetime, this reaction is normal and understandable. By realizing that we are often angry as a result of being disillusioned, we can gradually become less attached to our illusions, and more willing to let them go and embrace real life.

The anger management techniques that work best for me start with acknowledging what it is I feel I am losing control over. It is then important to examine the feelings that are evoked by this situation. Anger very often masks deep fear and insecurity. Accepting these feelings and allowing ourselves to really feel them can bring us to a point of then being able to release them. However angry and fearful you may be, if you can summon the courage to confront your feelings, you will be well on the way to releasing their hold over you.

The six steps that I detailed in my book, ‘Freedom from Shame,’ work brilliantly as anger management techniques. Confront the anger and its underlying causes, understand the emotions and reactions that have been provoked, accept that you are experiencing emotions you would probably rather not have. Embrace the feelings that you have uncovered- really let yourself feel them deeply, rather than avoiding them. Confide; share your feelings with someone you can trust. This helps to fully experience and then release the anger and other emotions that you have been feeling.

Anger. Face it, feel it, and finally be free from it.

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